I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
