wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
