great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
