u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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