My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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