I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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