And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
