we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
