yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
