I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?