Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.