Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.