I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever