So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright