What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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