I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
