He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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