What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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