Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
