she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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