Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
