sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
