I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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