a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
