I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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