i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
