Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize