OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
