You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
