Everything about him screamed your future.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
