I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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