Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
