naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
