I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Houston, we have a blender
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
