he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
