I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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