drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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