Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
