i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
