My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
