I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
