You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
