i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
