My Higher Power is John Stamos
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't put those talents on a resume
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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