just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
