I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
