just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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