are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
