It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
