I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
