Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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