i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
