you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
