Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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