it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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