so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
