so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
