you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
