I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
