I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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