Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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