Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i out mim tonsoeep
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