How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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