Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize