I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
