just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
