my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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