i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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