Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
