well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
