Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize