Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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