I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
