i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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